POV: your boss just used a slur

Mar 9, 2022

content warning: slurs related to ableism, racism, sexism, and other systems of oppression

You're at work and are walking to your next meeting. It's in a conference room and the meeting attendants include your boss, a couple coworkers at your level, and couple more leaders at your boss' level. Your boss, Cynthia, and one of the other leaders, Jonathan, are catching up about their weekend. As you set your things down at the table and are preparing for the meeting, you overhear Cynthia make a joke to Jonathan. You didn't hear the context, but you know for sure that you heard her use an offensive slur. Jonathan doesn't seem to notice, and he doesn't say anything to Cynthia about it.

You are immediately taken aback and get uncomfortable. You consider saying something in the moment, but get too nervous in front of the group of people there for the meeting (and that you'd be calling out your boss in front of other higher-level leaders). You also want to confirm that you heard what you thought you heard. You decide you'll bring it up in your next 1:1.

Here's how the conversation could go...

Cynthia: Are you ready to start? I saw the agenda you prepared and I have a few things to add.

You: That sounds great! But actually, before we start I wanted to bring up something from the meeting earlier. Is this an okay time for that?

Cynthia: Yeah, sure, what's up?

You: Well, I heard you use a word that's actually pretty offensive to <group name> people. I'm sure you didn't realize or know, but I figured I'd bring it up just so you know going forward. <feel free to spell out the word so you don't have to say it yourself>

Cynthia: Oh my god, I had no idea that was a slur! Thanks for letting me know.

How do I know if something's a slur?

The number of words that count as slurs is really large, and it depends on who you ask. You may have had a situation where you used to say a certain phrase all the time and then were told after years of saying it that it's actually really offensive. And in the words of Maya Angelou, "When you know better, do better."

Lists of slurs by discriminated group

If they say this, you can say...

Well there's so many different words now, it's hard to keep track.

There might be words that you don't know are offensive, and no one is expecting you to know every single one. But when someone let's you know that you're using a slur, then just make sure to not use that one going forward.

Well who gets to decide what is and isn't a slur? Because my Black friend told me I could say the n-word.

Some facts to reference...

1 in every 15,000 tweets contain a racist or ethnic slur. (NBC News)
Of 50 million social media posts related to intellectual disabilities, over two-thirds of the posts were negative and nearly 29 million contained slurs. (Kantar Social Listening)

A few things to remember...

If you have a slur used against you in any context, it is completely your right to respond in whatever way you want or feel comfortable with.

If you hear a slur being used against someone else, remember it's not your job to speak for them or over them. My advice would be to stay physically present near the conversation, and gauge how you can help the victim of the verbal harassment. If the conversation escalates, you could ask the victim if they're okay and go from there.

If you hear a slur not targeted at a particular individual but said in a more general context (probably in a joke), you should say something if you feel comfortable and safe doing so. Those are daily interactions where we can actually make a difference and potentially change someone's viewpoint.