POV: Your mom just said "well they don't have to shove it in our faces" after seeing a pride poster

Apr 14, 2022

content warning: homophobia

You're grabbing lunch with your mom. It's mid-May and different organizations are starting to advertise their pride events and apparel. While walking from where you parked the car to the café, you both see a large poster in the window of a queer-owned boutique advertising pride month and a new clothing collection they're dropping with different sexual orientation flags. She says, "You know, I don't really care what people do in the privacy of their own home, but they don't have to shove it in our faces."

Note: The scenario described above doesn't indicate what your sexual orientation is. If you are straight, you would be approaching this conversation as an ally. If you identify with the LGBT+ community, this conversation would differ depending on whether or not you're out to your mom. You can handle this conversation however you feel is best, and however you will be the safest.

Extra note: This post focuses mostly on the sexual orientation part of pride. Very similar suggestions and responses could be used for trans folk, intersex folk, and so on. (Stick around and I'll try to make another post specifically on this!)

Here's how the conversation could go...

Your mom: You know, I don't really care what people do in the privacy of their own home, but they don't have to shove it in our faces.

You: Well, straight love is kinda shoved in our faces everywhere. I mean, think of children's movies, PDA, commercials... it's almost always heterosexuality that's displayed in society.

Your mom: I get what you're saying, but why does pride need its own month and all this special treatment?

You: People in the LGBT+ community have faced discrimination and harassment for a really long time, and many of them still do today. Pride month is a celebration of the legal and social advancements they've made so far, and a reminder that their identity should be celebrated and not discriminated against. It helps a lot of people feel pride in their identity, and a lot of people who are experiencing harassment remember that they have a whole community supporting their journey.

Your mom: That's actually really sweet, I guess.

If they say this, you can say...

It just seems inappropriate that children might be seeing it.

There are many people who never saw examples or representation of the LGBT+ community growing up that still knew they weren't straight in elementary or middle school. And think of the baby onesies that say "ladies man" or "stay away boys, my daddy works out." We're literally pushing straightness onto infants.

Well that's fine, I just don't like it.

Some facts to reference...

LGBT+ students are 5x more likely to have attempted suicide in the past year and 3x more likely to have been threatened or injured with a weapon at school in the past year than their heterosexual peers. (Massachusetts Department of Education)
64% of LGBT+ people have experienced anti-LGBT+ violence or abuse. Of these, 9 in 10 have experienced verbal abuse, 3 in 10 have experienced physical violence, and 2 in 10 have experienced sexual violence. (Stonewall & Galop)

A few things to remember...

There are many factors that can lead to homophobic mindsets in people. And not only are there many factors, but it's also a spectrum of "commits hate crimes regularly" to "makes insensitive comments." All of this nuance will affect the way you approach these conversations, both for using an approach that's most effective and ensuring your physical and emotional safety.

Religion is a common cause of someone doing or saying homophobic things. If this is the case, it can be really difficult to change someone's mind on how they feel. You'd have to undermine and destroy their entire worldview to do so, which just isn't very likely. Instead, focus not on what they think but what they do. It's easier to get someone to adjust their actions than their values and beliefs.